Secrets Of Marriage: Learn To Forgive Your Spouse

The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to step on their toes. And being married to someone certainly puts you in close quarters. So the chances are good that you and your spouse have sore feet. The point is that it's normal for you and your spouse to err and for those "misses" to cause hurt...sometimes serious hurt. Did your spouse hurt you? Have you made mistakes that hurt your spouse? Except in the case of physical abuse, you can "move on" from anything. In fact, your marriage can end up even better!

I know...you're probably thinking, "Better? How could it be better than before we screwed up?" It can be better, but you have to do one thing first. You have to forgive. What does it really mean to forgive?

Many people will say, "I forgive you," but continue to harbor anger in their heart. Some people say the words, but it's obvious from their actions that nothing's changed. Other people will say "I forgive you" but what they really mean is, "I don't want to talk about this. I can't deal with this. I'm turning you off." And so the 3 magic words come out and form a wall that shuts out their spouse. True, they're not angry, but that's because they've shut down all emotion and refuse to reconnect.

Saying "I forgive you" is an entirely different ball game than truly forgiving. Look carefully at the word "FORGIVE." It tells you what it means. "FOR-GIVE"...in other words, to GIVE as you did beFORE. That's true forgiveness. When you GIVE of yourself like you did beFORE you were hurt, then you know you've forgiven. When you stand as close to your spouse as you stood the day your feet got stepped on...that's forgiveness.

That's not easy to do. But it is possible. You can forgive each other and move on. And once you forgive, you'll see that your marriage will be better than it was before. You'll be happy that the mistake was made (in a strange way) because you'll realize that you would never have achieved the love you finally did without that mistake as your catalyst.

Did you know that when a broken bone heals it's stronger than it was before it was broken? You too can be stronger than before things broke down between you and your spouse. Did you ever make love after a big fight? Did you ever think after you made-up, "Hey, this is great? We should fight more often." (Ha Ha)

Dealing with your own emotions in a calm and rational manner is also crucial to forgiving and forgetting. Your partner may be wrong and you may be completely justified in your feelings of anger but it’s important that you not act strictly on emotion in this situation. Acting and speaking out of anger can elevate the tension in the situation and deter the forgiveness process. Give yourself a little time to manage your own feelings and collect your thoughts so that when you approach your partner you are able to speak about your feelings in a rational manner. It’s best to wait until both you and your partner are ready to speak about the conflict in a calm and rational manner. If you are truly interested in forgiving and forgetting when you have been wronged, wait until both parties have calmed down to ensure that neither one speaks out of anger and destroys the chance for true forgiveness.

A crucial aspect of forgiving and forgetting is valuing your relationship more than you value being right in an argument. While you may be completely right in a situation, being right is not worth destroying the relationship over. If you are able to put your love for your partner ahead of the vindication of being right you will be more willing to forgive and forget. Also, forgiving and forgetting will allow your relationship to continue to flourish because working through conflicts makes a relationship stronger.